The middle and high school years produce challenges unlike any other time of life. How many times have your daughter or your son come to you with questions such as “do you think I’m fat?” or “is this pimple on my face noticeable?” How we answer those questions is not a simple matter. They’re growing. Their bodies are changing. And it’s all very normal. Adolescence is a unique period of our lives when many issues begin to surface. As their bodies experience significant changes, it is likely that most kids will develop at least some concerns about body image. While we can’t protect our children from this, we can have some influence over how they deal with it. A good place to start is by being careful not to make negative appearance related comments about others and ourselves. Such comments even made in jest may impact our kids much more than is realized at the time.

There’s no question that we live in a society which is obsessed with physical appearance.

It’s impossible to go to a magazine stand, watch TV or go to the movies without being inundated with images of people looking “perfect.” Make-over type reality shows have further complicated this, and can contribute to feelings of inadequacy and the desire to radically change appearance. While many adults certainly struggle with this too, most of us will eventually come to recognize that people come in all shapes and sizes, and that appearance is only one part of what defines us. Some children and teens, however, may have a very different perspective and believe that part of being happy includes pursuing the perfect body. We need to be able to convey that we all have other, more important qualities. Being kind to others, a good student and a reliable friend are just a few traits which ultimately will provide more long term satisfaction in their lives.

It’s important to note that I’m referring to the normal worries that kids will have during a time of life which is often tumultuous. Of course, closer attention to the issue is vital if the child develops obvious medical issues (i.e., obesity and severe acne), psychological problems such as anorexia and bulimia, or if social and academic problems begin to surface as a result of too much worry over body image. Body dysmorphic disorder is another, though lesser known body image related problem which results in people obsessing over a part of their body they believe to be flawed in some way even though they typically look very normal to others. These all can develop into very serious problems and generally will require intervention by a medical and/or mental health professional.

As the old saying goes: kids will be kids. Worrying about their body is normal as they get older. Keep the lines of communication open. Encouraging healthy discussion about it when their young can help tremendously in avoiding more serious problems later in their lives.

— Scott M. Granet, LCSW

— Scott is a long-time resident of Redwood Shores, and is director of the OCD-BDD Clinic of Northern California in Redwood City. He would like to hear your comments and suggestions for future columns and can be reached at